UNCENSORED
i exist to express myself. i exist to be a free spirit. i exist to be UNCENSORED!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I Will Always Look At You (poem)
I wish I could be like the moon
Hiding it's fairness behind the cotton candy like cloud
I wish I would soar there soon
Away from all the loud
I wish I could dive in the endless sky
Touching the stars on it's deep royal carpet
Watching it's signs and it's sets
How can nature be supernatural?
I felt like touching the clouds
and sleeping on it's foamy soft beds
Then, I'll never worry about the crowd
and be freed from all the threads
I was so touched
and deeply moved
A pearly like tear escaped my eyes
and flied all the way down to the sea, where it lies
Finally, I held my head up high,
stared at the beauty of the sky
and asked myself why
would anyone wish to die?
And only then I knew, why people wish to die
They always ask why
They never look above, they never even try
"I promise, I will always look at you"
I was back again with a sigh!
The Humming Bird And Her Friend (poem)
In the morning, there used to be
a happy humming bird flying free
To me she wasn't just a pet
She was the best friend that can ever fit
We used to play, sing and fly
We used to say everything and never lie
The bond between is was made of gold
Since we were five years old
As we were playing, I saw an ugly vulture
He was walking with great cocksure
Then he looked at me and started to censure
But looked at you with false allure
In broad daylight, he chose his prey
By his false charm, you went away
I saw the look in his eyes that day
It was full of evil shaped as a ray
I tried to warn you
I tried to save you
But you couldn't help it
As you were falsely charmed by it
But I knew this kind of hunting birds
He knows how to choose his idle words
But be ware, because when he is done with you
You will be left alone, broken and blue
So I'll fight for you against your own will
Even if you weren't there and stood still
Because this is my duty as a friend
to love and care till the end
Again I'll be waiting for you
Because I still love you, despite your point of view
I know you'll be my humming bird again
And then, we'll sing the next poem under the rain
a happy humming bird flying free
To me she wasn't just a pet
She was the best friend that can ever fit
We used to play, sing and fly
We used to say everything and never lie
The bond between is was made of gold
Since we were five years old
As we were playing, I saw an ugly vulture
He was walking with great cocksure
Then he looked at me and started to censure
But looked at you with false allure
In broad daylight, he chose his prey
By his false charm, you went away
I saw the look in his eyes that day
It was full of evil shaped as a ray
I tried to warn you
I tried to save you
But you couldn't help it
As you were falsely charmed by it
But I knew this kind of hunting birds
He knows how to choose his idle words
But be ware, because when he is done with you
You will be left alone, broken and blue
So I'll fight for you against your own will
Even if you weren't there and stood still
Because this is my duty as a friend
to love and care till the end
Again I'll be waiting for you
Because I still love you, despite your point of view
I know you'll be my humming bird again
And then, we'll sing the next poem under the rain
I Miss You (poem)
I miss your face every day
I miss the good morning that you say
I even miss the goodbye
As well as i miss the 'Hi'
My brain is wondering
My heart is breaking
My vice is screaming
My eyes are tearing, all for you
You left a gap in my heart
You left a space in my day
You went and took a part
of me, myself and I
You are the poetry in me
You are my inspiration
You are the good art of me
You are my addiction
You are the rhyme of my day
You are the support of my heart
You are the dream of my mind
that finally came true
To the world, I'm fifteen
But to you, I'm just ten
because I start counting since you were in my life
You make me smile
You make me laugh
You make me fresh as the Nile
You make our memories together last
Forever and ever
I remember the first time I saw your face
I felt that we were meant for each other
since we were born
You are my destiny forever and ever
I miss our long talk
I miss our loud laughs
I miss your kisses on my cheeks
As well as I miss your warm hugs
I know you miss me too
I can see it in you eye
I miss times of me and you
That's why i always cry
I need you to complete
I need you here by me
I can't live without you
here by my side
We lived together
We dreamed together
We loved each other
and nothing will stop us ever
You are the best person
I've ever met
You are the kindest heart
I've ever felt
I asked God for a gift
He sent me you
I asked God for wealth
He granted me you
I asked God for a diamond
and there were you
I promise you
We will never be apart
You can guarantee
Because you are the love in me
I miss your face
I miss your eyes
I miss your voice
I just miss you!
I miss the good morning that you say
I even miss the goodbye
As well as i miss the 'Hi'
My brain is wondering
My heart is breaking
My vice is screaming
My eyes are tearing, all for you
You left a gap in my heart
You left a space in my day
You went and took a part
of me, myself and I
You are the poetry in me
You are my inspiration
You are the good art of me
You are my addiction
You are the rhyme of my day
You are the support of my heart
You are the dream of my mind
that finally came true
To the world, I'm fifteen
But to you, I'm just ten
because I start counting since you were in my life
You make me smile
You make me laugh
You make me fresh as the Nile
You make our memories together last
Forever and ever
I remember the first time I saw your face
I felt that we were meant for each other
since we were born
You are my destiny forever and ever
I miss our long talk
I miss our loud laughs
I miss your kisses on my cheeks
As well as I miss your warm hugs
I know you miss me too
I can see it in you eye
I miss times of me and you
That's why i always cry
I need you to complete
I need you here by me
I can't live without you
here by my side
We lived together
We dreamed together
We loved each other
and nothing will stop us ever
You are the best person
I've ever met
You are the kindest heart
I've ever felt
I asked God for a gift
He sent me you
I asked God for wealth
He granted me you
I asked God for a diamond
and there were you
I promise you
We will never be apart
You can guarantee
Because you are the love in me
I miss your face
I miss your eyes
I miss your voice
I just miss you!
But I Love you! (song)
Sometimes I get you wrong
But other times I support
Sometimes your mind is strong
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
In your arms take me
As you used to do
Life is already tough on me
So please be the kind heart to comfort me
Because its tougher when you are hard on me
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
The way I am, as I'm trying to do
May be you think I'm strange
But this is me and I won't change
So love me as I am
Or hate me forever
But you can't as I couldn't
Because we're addicted to each other
It's our destiny together
Since ever and forever
I love you just the way you are
I can't survive
Without you in my life
'Cause you brought me here
So be near
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
And don't give up on me now
'Cause I never needed you that much before
But i know that I'll need you forever
Here in my life to love you
So be mine
But other times I support
Sometimes your mind is strong
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
In your arms take me
As you used to do
Life is already tough on me
So please be the kind heart to comfort me
Because its tougher when you are hard on me
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
The way I am, as I'm trying to do
May be you think I'm strange
But this is me and I won't change
So love me as I am
Or hate me forever
But you can't as I couldn't
Because we're addicted to each other
It's our destiny together
Since ever and forever
I love you just the way you are
I can't survive
Without you in my life
'Cause you brought me here
So be near
But I love you, so be mine
Please try to accept me
And don't give up on me now
'Cause I never needed you that much before
But i know that I'll need you forever
Here in my life to love you
So be mine
Monday, September 13, 2010
'Prepare Me...'
'
Her eyes opened to a new day, but her heart didn't want to wake up and face that day, yes that particular day. As soon as she woke up, the thought of the funeral popped up in her head and put a sad look on her face, every hour that drew her closer to noon increased her tension, after all this was the very first funeral she would ever attend. It wasn't someone close, a distant relative of a friend but she wasn't sure if she could handle the dramatic atmosphere.
It was half past eleven when she decided to get ready. She dressed herself in a short sleeve black blouse and matching pants. In the car, different pictures and flashbacks crossed her mind, they were death-related. She shook her head in a useless attempt to lose them.
She finally arrived at the church, at the entrance, people lined up in a row to shake hands with visitors, they were all dressed in neutral or dark colors and they put on either a wooden face or a sad one. She barely knew two or three of them, one of them directed her to the church's main hall as she shook his hand.
It was very quite and still except for the occasional whispering or side-talking. As soon as she sat herself in a distant empty row, she caught a glimpse of her friend, so she decided to go and comfort her. Next to her, there were two middle-aged women who were sobbing and weeping, apparently they were the daughters of the dead lady, she shook their hands too and returned back to her seat. 'How ironic life can be!' she thought of it like a big mass of randomness yet very organized and accurate. She imagined in that very same place, in the very same day, opposite and contradictory things could happen; a new born baby could be baptized in the morning starting a new life, in the afternoon there would be a funeral declaring the end of someone's life like that one and at night a wedding would be held to witness the love of two people, all in the same building and the same day. 'Damn, life is funny!' her thoughts were interrupted by the increasing hysteric cries of the two daughters as their mother's coffin entered the church. The scene was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love in a box and knowing that you won't see them again. it was very dramatic.
She isn't the kind of person that's terrified of death, it never scared her at all, she never thought of it as a bad or scary incident, it's the idea of departure that terrified her, the fact that she might be separated from a love one broke her heart, she almost teared at the thought of it.
The prayer was held and she tried to ignore the painful scene but again an annoying thought crossed her mind; what if someone she really loves is dead, like her parents, her brother or her best friend. Tears trickled down her cheeks washing the remains of the her awful thoughts, just when she imagined that she got rid of them, another thought haunted her mind 'what if I died?' but that wasn't bad news until a scene of her parents and her brother at her own funeral crossed her head, they looked broken and totally devastated, she felt their own hearts crying blood instead of tears, it looked horrific. Finally she decided to concentrate on the real scene since it's a thousand times better than her freaky thoughts, but it was too late, the prayer was over and they were carrying the coffin outside while singing melancholic hymns accompanied by the cries and calls of her daughters, it was even worse than the entering scene, it was time for her to go, forever. Everyone was devastated including her & she barely knew that woman. She rushed out of the church when the earlier thoughts revisited her.she couldn't imagine how hard was it going to be on her daughters while giving their beloved mother away to the dirt.
On her way home, she was confused, 'what should I ask God for that critical moment?', should she ask him to die first, so she wouldn't go through the suffering for the departure of her loved ones, but on the other hand that would hurt everyone who really cared for her, yet she couldn't bare to see herself in the daughters' shoes. At that moment of confusion, she remembered something her mother says whenever she goes to a funeral, she always asks God to prepare us for the moment of our death, make it as peaceful and calm as possible
"I guess that is the best answer!" she smiled to herself in a relief.
Her eyes opened to a new day, but her heart didn't want to wake up and face that day, yes that particular day. As soon as she woke up, the thought of the funeral popped up in her head and put a sad look on her face, every hour that drew her closer to noon increased her tension, after all this was the very first funeral she would ever attend. It wasn't someone close, a distant relative of a friend but she wasn't sure if she could handle the dramatic atmosphere.
It was half past eleven when she decided to get ready. She dressed herself in a short sleeve black blouse and matching pants. In the car, different pictures and flashbacks crossed her mind, they were death-related. She shook her head in a useless attempt to lose them.
She finally arrived at the church, at the entrance, people lined up in a row to shake hands with visitors, they were all dressed in neutral or dark colors and they put on either a wooden face or a sad one. She barely knew two or three of them, one of them directed her to the church's main hall as she shook his hand.
It was very quite and still except for the occasional whispering or side-talking. As soon as she sat herself in a distant empty row, she caught a glimpse of her friend, so she decided to go and comfort her. Next to her, there were two middle-aged women who were sobbing and weeping, apparently they were the daughters of the dead lady, she shook their hands too and returned back to her seat. 'How ironic life can be!' she thought of it like a big mass of randomness yet very organized and accurate. She imagined in that very same place, in the very same day, opposite and contradictory things could happen; a new born baby could be baptized in the morning starting a new life, in the afternoon there would be a funeral declaring the end of someone's life like that one and at night a wedding would be held to witness the love of two people, all in the same building and the same day. 'Damn, life is funny!' her thoughts were interrupted by the increasing hysteric cries of the two daughters as their mother's coffin entered the church. The scene was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love in a box and knowing that you won't see them again. it was very dramatic.
She isn't the kind of person that's terrified of death, it never scared her at all, she never thought of it as a bad or scary incident, it's the idea of departure that terrified her, the fact that she might be separated from a love one broke her heart, she almost teared at the thought of it.
The prayer was held and she tried to ignore the painful scene but again an annoying thought crossed her mind; what if someone she really loves is dead, like her parents, her brother or her best friend. Tears trickled down her cheeks washing the remains of the her awful thoughts, just when she imagined that she got rid of them, another thought haunted her mind 'what if I died?' but that wasn't bad news until a scene of her parents and her brother at her own funeral crossed her head, they looked broken and totally devastated, she felt their own hearts crying blood instead of tears, it looked horrific. Finally she decided to concentrate on the real scene since it's a thousand times better than her freaky thoughts, but it was too late, the prayer was over and they were carrying the coffin outside while singing melancholic hymns accompanied by the cries and calls of her daughters, it was even worse than the entering scene, it was time for her to go, forever. Everyone was devastated including her & she barely knew that woman. She rushed out of the church when the earlier thoughts revisited her.she couldn't imagine how hard was it going to be on her daughters while giving their beloved mother away to the dirt.
On her way home, she was confused, 'what should I ask God for that critical moment?', should she ask him to die first, so she wouldn't go through the suffering for the departure of her loved ones, but on the other hand that would hurt everyone who really cared for her, yet she couldn't bare to see herself in the daughters' shoes. At that moment of confusion, she remembered something her mother says whenever she goes to a funeral, she always asks God to prepare us for the moment of our death, make it as peaceful and calm as possible
"I guess that is the best answer!" she smiled to herself in a relief.
A blurry Dream…
She noticed him checking her out every now and then, sneaking a quick glance at her when he thought no one was looking, just to make sure she was still around, he didn't want his eyes to lose her. she liked to make sure he was still there every now and then too, Although she didn't know why, may be it was an emotional reflex to his attention or may be she wanted to make sure that he was still looking, that he didn't give up yet, who knows?
As soon as she was free, he approached her; he had been waiting for a long time already, she knew that he would come as soon as she was alone; his style was predictable to her. He walked towards her as casual as he could manage; she smiled to herself because she didn't buy it. She knew that he liked her, but she couldn't see why, she wasn't strikingly beautiful or gorgeous, she was very simple and plain, the typical petite figured brunette with wide brown eyes and thin lips, nothing too attractive, nothing too catchy. She couldn't see his point, may be because she never believed in love at first sight, she thought that it fits fine for fairy tales, movies may be even songs but not for real life, or may be because her self esteem was down the drain. All she knew was just that she enjoyed his clear hazel eyes following her around in a subtle sneaky way waiting for her to be alone to hang out with her, she also loved his playful grin he wore every time he teased her, surprisingly that made her smile.
"So you are leaving tomorrow?" he asked as a disappointment tone escaped the casual wrap of his voice, she sensed it.
"Yeah…" she said suddenly realizing how close that was.
"You won't come back again?" he asked in a more serious concerning tone that made her nervous.
"I don't know, I really wanna come again, I had a good time, may be later, who knows?" her response didn't seem to be the one he wished to hear, but deep down he wished she could stay longer or come back as soon as she can. That question was repeated more than once later that day, he didn't want to accept the fact that this was it. But to her, it was too fast and too confusing; it was like an enchanted dream that will be over as soon as she wakes up, she knew that she'll recover from his charm after a week or may be two. She'll wait until she wakes up one day and won't be able to remember how he looked like and that would be soon as she was terrible at remembering faces, all that she will remember is the blurry dream she once enjoyed….
As soon as she was free, he approached her; he had been waiting for a long time already, she knew that he would come as soon as she was alone; his style was predictable to her. He walked towards her as casual as he could manage; she smiled to herself because she didn't buy it. She knew that he liked her, but she couldn't see why, she wasn't strikingly beautiful or gorgeous, she was very simple and plain, the typical petite figured brunette with wide brown eyes and thin lips, nothing too attractive, nothing too catchy. She couldn't see his point, may be because she never believed in love at first sight, she thought that it fits fine for fairy tales, movies may be even songs but not for real life, or may be because her self esteem was down the drain. All she knew was just that she enjoyed his clear hazel eyes following her around in a subtle sneaky way waiting for her to be alone to hang out with her, she also loved his playful grin he wore every time he teased her, surprisingly that made her smile.
"So you are leaving tomorrow?" he asked as a disappointment tone escaped the casual wrap of his voice, she sensed it.
"Yeah…" she said suddenly realizing how close that was.
"You won't come back again?" he asked in a more serious concerning tone that made her nervous.
"I don't know, I really wanna come again, I had a good time, may be later, who knows?" her response didn't seem to be the one he wished to hear, but deep down he wished she could stay longer or come back as soon as she can. That question was repeated more than once later that day, he didn't want to accept the fact that this was it. But to her, it was too fast and too confusing; it was like an enchanted dream that will be over as soon as she wakes up, she knew that she'll recover from his charm after a week or may be two. She'll wait until she wakes up one day and won't be able to remember how he looked like and that would be soon as she was terrible at remembering faces, all that she will remember is the blurry dream she once enjoyed….
Sorry Ms. Fairy..but I don't like you!
When we were young, we used to listen to the fairy tales that our parents-and sometimes-our grand parents told us and we all loved them. But actually one of the things that annoy me the most is some of these fairy tales.
Don't get me wrong, I like fairy tales and I appreciate its role in building the children's characters and planting good morals inside them, it also sets their imagination free to soar in a magical beautiful world, so far we can't see the problem. But the problem is that some of the fairy tales send wrong messages to little children and especially little girls.
Let's take Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty for an example, why the girl has always to be the passive and submissive character while she's ruled by an evil witch, an evil uncle or an evil stepmother? Why stepmothers and uncles have always to be cruel and hard hearted people? Why can't the oppressed character stand up for herself and refuse to be oppressed instead of just waiting (or sleeping in case of Sleeping Beauty..:P) to prince charming to save her? Well, these questions have been wandering in my head ever since I heard these lame stories. And this is my conclusion so far. First, stepmothers don't have to be always bad, in real life there are great examples of stepmothers, but the problem is that we've taken some ideas for granted, like the evil stepmothers, evil stepsiblings, evil mothers in law, evil uncles and so on in the "evils" list. Second, this is a brief message for you Cinderella, Snow White & Sleeping Beauty: "no one is going to save you from your messed up life until you get up and do it yourself, so wake up and say no to oppression, say no to submissiveness, say no to the "no you can't" theme that coats your life with negativity, because I have some news for you, no prince charming will ever notice you if someone is taking over your life and ordering you around all the time and you are accepting that!"
Sometimes I feel that these stories tell the little girls to do nothing in their lives but waiting for Mr. Perfect, it also teaches them to use their beauty to get what they want instead of working hard to earn it. I think that these stories are also negative for boys as well as for girls, because it tells the girls that their right person should be flawless, in every story he is a prince, charming, handsome, lovable and caring as well as popular and brave, basically he's got everything and that's not real. Instead it should teach us to accept our flaws & the others' as well. It should teach us to be open enough to accept the other with its differences. As a result, when girls grow up they become dissatisfied with themselves and with the other sex as well, they want to be an exact version of Barbie and they search for a man that is exactly like ken or Prince Charming, that's why they end up depressed, lonely and with lots of plastic surgeries!
That's why I think we should enhance the self esteem of the little girls by examples from real life, examples of women that work hard to achieve their goals, women that refuse oppression and brave enough to stand up for themselves. We need to teach children to accept their flaws, and to accept the others' as well, they need to know that perfection is a result of our flaws that make each one unique and give each person a different identity, without these flaws we're just soulless copies of a dead Barbie doll and fake images of Prince Charming.
As I said before I like fairy tales and I believe that some of them are really good and teaches great morals to children, for example beauty and the beast or the little mermaid, they teach us that love is beyond looks, it's so much deeper and the importance of sacrifice, other stories teach us the value of friendship and family.
It annoys me so much that still in the twenty first century, girls think they are weak and need someone to save them, it also annoys me how girls see boys, how judgmental they can be and how shallow they are when it comes to love, I think its time to learn how to accept and respect ourselves and each other as well.
Don't get me wrong, I like fairy tales and I appreciate its role in building the children's characters and planting good morals inside them, it also sets their imagination free to soar in a magical beautiful world, so far we can't see the problem. But the problem is that some of the fairy tales send wrong messages to little children and especially little girls.
Let's take Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty for an example, why the girl has always to be the passive and submissive character while she's ruled by an evil witch, an evil uncle or an evil stepmother? Why stepmothers and uncles have always to be cruel and hard hearted people? Why can't the oppressed character stand up for herself and refuse to be oppressed instead of just waiting (or sleeping in case of Sleeping Beauty..:P) to prince charming to save her? Well, these questions have been wandering in my head ever since I heard these lame stories. And this is my conclusion so far. First, stepmothers don't have to be always bad, in real life there are great examples of stepmothers, but the problem is that we've taken some ideas for granted, like the evil stepmothers, evil stepsiblings, evil mothers in law, evil uncles and so on in the "evils" list. Second, this is a brief message for you Cinderella, Snow White & Sleeping Beauty: "no one is going to save you from your messed up life until you get up and do it yourself, so wake up and say no to oppression, say no to submissiveness, say no to the "no you can't" theme that coats your life with negativity, because I have some news for you, no prince charming will ever notice you if someone is taking over your life and ordering you around all the time and you are accepting that!"
Sometimes I feel that these stories tell the little girls to do nothing in their lives but waiting for Mr. Perfect, it also teaches them to use their beauty to get what they want instead of working hard to earn it. I think that these stories are also negative for boys as well as for girls, because it tells the girls that their right person should be flawless, in every story he is a prince, charming, handsome, lovable and caring as well as popular and brave, basically he's got everything and that's not real. Instead it should teach us to accept our flaws & the others' as well. It should teach us to be open enough to accept the other with its differences. As a result, when girls grow up they become dissatisfied with themselves and with the other sex as well, they want to be an exact version of Barbie and they search for a man that is exactly like ken or Prince Charming, that's why they end up depressed, lonely and with lots of plastic surgeries!
That's why I think we should enhance the self esteem of the little girls by examples from real life, examples of women that work hard to achieve their goals, women that refuse oppression and brave enough to stand up for themselves. We need to teach children to accept their flaws, and to accept the others' as well, they need to know that perfection is a result of our flaws that make each one unique and give each person a different identity, without these flaws we're just soulless copies of a dead Barbie doll and fake images of Prince Charming.
As I said before I like fairy tales and I believe that some of them are really good and teaches great morals to children, for example beauty and the beast or the little mermaid, they teach us that love is beyond looks, it's so much deeper and the importance of sacrifice, other stories teach us the value of friendship and family.
It annoys me so much that still in the twenty first century, girls think they are weak and need someone to save them, it also annoys me how girls see boys, how judgmental they can be and how shallow they are when it comes to love, I think its time to learn how to accept and respect ourselves and each other as well.
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