It was half past eleven when she decided to get ready. She dressed herself in a short sleeve black blouse and matching pants. In the car, different pictures and flashbacks crossed her mind, they were death-related. She shook her head in a useless attempt to lose them.
She finally arrived at the church, at the entrance, people lined up in a row to shake hands with visitors, they were all dressed in neutral or dark colors and they put on either a wooden face or a sad one. She barely knew two or three of them, one of them directed her to the church's main hall as she shook his hand.
It was very quite and still except for the occasional whispering or side-talking. As soon as she sat herself in a distant empty row, she caught a glimpse of her friend, so she decided to go and comfort her. Next to her, there were two middle-aged women who were sobbing and weeping, apparently they were the daughters of the dead lady, she shook their hands too and returned back to her seat. 'How ironic life can be!' she thought of it like a big mass of randomness yet very organized and accurate. She imagined in that very same place, in the very same day, opposite and contradictory things could happen; a new born baby could be baptized in the morning starting a new life, in the afternoon there would be a funeral declaring the end of someone's life like that one and at night a wedding would be held to witness the love of two people, all in the same building and the same day. 'Damn, life is funny!' her thoughts were interrupted by the increasing hysteric cries of the two daughters as their mother's coffin entered the church. The scene was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love in a box and knowing that you won't see them again. it was very dramatic.
She isn't the kind of person that's terrified of death, it never scared her at all, she never thought of it as a bad or scary incident, it's the idea of departure that terrified her, the fact that she might be separated from a love one broke her heart, she almost teared at the thought of it.
The prayer was held and she tried to ignore the painful scene but again an annoying thought crossed her mind; what if someone she really loves is dead, like her parents, her brother or her best friend. Tears trickled down her cheeks washing the remains of the her awful thoughts, just when she imagined that she got rid of them, another thought haunted her mind 'what if I died?' but that wasn't bad news until a scene of her parents and her brother at her own funeral crossed her head, they looked broken and totally devastated, she felt their own hearts crying blood instead of tears, it looked horrific. Finally she decided to concentrate on the real scene since it's a thousand times better than her freaky thoughts, but it was too late, the prayer was over and they were carrying the coffin outside while singing melancholic hymns accompanied by the cries and calls of her daughters, it was even worse than the entering scene, it was time for her to go, forever. Everyone was devastated including her & she barely knew that woman. She rushed out of the church when the earlier thoughts revisited her.she couldn't imagine how hard was it going to be on her daughters while giving their beloved mother away to the dirt.
On her way home, she was confused, 'what should I ask God for that critical moment?', should she ask him to die first, so she wouldn't go through the suffering for the departure of her loved ones, but on the other hand that would hurt everyone who really cared for her, yet she couldn't bare to see herself in the daughters' shoes. At that moment of confusion, she remembered something her mother says whenever she goes to a funeral, she always asks God to prepare us for the moment of our death, make it as peaceful and calm as possible
"I guess that is the best answer!" she smiled to herself in a relief.
No comments:
Post a Comment